Give me a reason
by Seven secrets
Summary: Everyone needs a reason to do something, to live, what happens when Pansy thinks she doesn't have one. Who will convince her she does, before it's too late? RE-WRITTEN!
1. Chapter 1

Pansy lay awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling, above her, with a lost expression on her pale features.

She did this every night when everyone else had drifted away to the land of the mind, she would lie in her bed staring, it had become something of a tradition, she would lay there, until her mind would let sleep finally claim her, only to wake up a few hours later.

The others in her room were stirring, she knew it would only be a matter of time before they woke up; she looked around at the beds around her, a ghostly smile gracing her lips.

Daphne was the first to wake up, her blonde hair in a tangled mess, still managed to look elegant, she smiled sheepishly in Pansy's general direction, only half awake, with her eyes still adjusting to the dim light of the room.

"Morning." She yawned.

Pansy smirked at her, and got out of her bed, and began making her way over to her closet, to pull out her clean robe.

Although she loved being in Slytherin now, it didn't mean she always wanted to be in her house, she knew she would be though.

During her first year when Pansy was... well less like she was now, she felt a small tang of jealousy towards the other houses, but mainly Gryffindor, she didn't think it was fair that they be treated like... they were Royalty, as though they could do no wrong, and yet she was in Slytherin, the house that was the loneliest of the four, the house that stood by itself, and was, as everyone else seemed to think "Heartless, Evil, monsters".

She snapped herself out of the her daze, as she began changing into her clothes for today, it was early, but she could only lay down doing nothing for so long, she looked at the full length mirror, on the door of her wardrobe, and faked a smile of approval.

In all honesty Pansy didn't think of herself as the gorgeous princess everyone thought she was, she had her flaws, like everyone else.

Except she could admit her flaws, she knew she wasn't the prettiest or the kindest or the most amazing person to be around, she knew all of those things, but kept up the pretence that she thought she was all those things.

She turned to Daphne who was already dressed and waiting for her at the door, she scooped up her satchel and they began to make their way towards the great hall, it was partly deserted at this hour in time, but those who were awake avoided there gaze, and swiftly moved out of their way, Pansy inwardly smirked at the sight of three Hufflepuffs staring at them in awe.

As they neared the great hall, Pansy saw out of her peripheral vision one Draco Malfoy coming in their direction, but she continued her way into the hall with Daphne at her side, they sat at the centre of the Slytherin table, which had by an unspoken rule, been "their" table.

Moments later the doors once again burst open to reveal Draco and his lap dogs, walking in with their heads held high, Pansy didn't even bother to look up when she heard them sit down, she was too busy thinking about other matters to worry about the fact that the great Draco Malfoy was in her presence.

Small talk was being thrown around the group, in no particular direction, Pansy half-heartedly added some of her own words into the mix of trivial news; she had become distant from the rest of the table, and thought nobody would really care.

Her eyes glazed over, as she looked across the table, her gaze never settling on one figure for more than seven seconds, before she moved onto the next.

By now the hall became crowded with, others, as Dumbledore took this as his queue to begin his usual morning lecture, which no matter how much he said it never really sunk in for Pansy and all of his speeches sounded the same to the bored dark hair girl.

Besides she knew well enough that, he didn't care about her house, he may say the speech but she and he both knew that it was mostly directed to the other houses when he talked of safety, and her's when he talked about danger, he favoured Gryffindor, everyone knew this, it was as though even if they were doing the same things, they would receive punishments, or they would be thought as different things entirely.

Either way her house would always get the worst of it all.

**Disclaimer: **none of these characters are mine. Please Review!


	2. Chapter 2

The sounds of the chimes signalling lessons to begin could surprisingly be heard above the chatter that flew around the room.

Pansy rose from her chair, disregarding the food that remained on her plate.

She weaved effortlessly through the crowd of students, with a blank expression which had become all too common on her face; yet she still managed to raise her chin up high enough to give off the idea that she was looking down on those how crossed her path.

She didn't even spare her table a glance as when she left them.

As she exited the hall and emerged into the busy corridor, the students still some how managed to part like the red sea for her, she resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

It was only when a she felt something collide with her was she snapped out of her trance, she looked at down at the unfortunate soul that happened to cross her path.

She took in a deep breath, as she and the young Ravenclaw prepared themselves for her snide remark.

"Watch where you're walking bookworm! Or are you truly so incompetent that you can't manage to do more then one thing at a time, its a wonder they let someone like you who can't even seem to mange to move in the right direction _**into**_Ravenclaw, but luckily for you, I'm feeling charitable, so I'll spare you farther humiliation, by walking away so that you don't burst into tears, and you might just be able to scrape up enough brain power to know that if this ever happens again you won't be given such a privilege." She spat, while the innocent second year gaped at her, like a fish pulled out of water, but Pansy straightened up, and continued on her journey towards her next class.

The Ravenclaw didn't understand, she didn't need to prove herself, she already _**had **_a privilege, she wasn't the one who, had everyone thinking they knew her but didn't, she wasn't the one who would have people whispering about her when this was over, no that was Pansy.

When their talk was over Pansy knew the girl would have her friends rushing to her aid, in a way she really was doing the girl a kindness. She was warning her.

She heard his footsteps before he reached her, "I heard you made a Ravenclaw cry today, at this hour, that's early even for you."

She gave as best of a smile of approval as she could muster, talking about it didn't seem to be worth her time, but she gave the impression that it was something to be proud of, but in all reality it was like brushing her hair, something she did, it had become insignificant, she didn't feel anything for it.

She looked at Draco, he had his hair, his eyes, his perfect life.

On the outside.

_She knew how he felt, she knew the pressure put on him, his constant need to please his father, she knew that he even if he didn't she it he felt insecure about everything he did, because no matter how hard he worked it was never good enough._

_Because that's how she felt, but unlike Draco she wasn't going to delude herself any farther into thinking if she just tried a little harder things might just work out for her._

Draco was about to add more but then the bane of his existence walked past them, the golden trio.

A part of Pansy thought that they, went out looking for Deatheaters, so that they could bask in the glory of their own accomplishments, so that their other why's pathetically empty lives can feel some what for filled.

"Great just what this morning needed, an appearance from, Mudblood, Weasley and the boy who wouldn't die." He muttered while throwing them both deathly glares.

Pansy rolled her eyes, and tuned out the rest of his speech.

It was moments like these where she knew she wouldn't miss the world, and its catty remarks, because if there was one thing, Pansy Parkinson knew would happen to her it was death.


	3. Keep bleeding

The rest of the day went dragged on with the usual occurrences, Granger was her usual know-it-all self, Harry and Draco constantly trying to show the other up, and Pansy caught somewhere in the middle.

It was almost curfew, the common room was buzzing, with news of the poor Ravenclaw's nervous break down.

"That'll teach her". Said Millicent a cruel smile played on her troll like features.

"She had it coming to her, maybe if she watched where she was going, things like that wouldn't happen to her. Right Pans?" Daphne asked turning to Pansy, the whole room was watching her now, all waiting to hear what the leader of the small but powerful cliché had to say.

Pansy shrugged her shoulders as a sign that she didn't care about the young girl, that the incident meant nothing to her, everyone nodded in agreement acting as though the girl was so far below their standards she didn't even fall under their radar.

The conversation died out after that, along with the numbers of Slytherins in the common room, as they all began trickling out of the room, to their dorms to get a good-nights sleep.

"Ok, I'm going to bed." Millicent yawned, she and Pansy were the only two remaining in the common room, Pansy nodded in Acknowledgement but remained seated, watching, the flickering green fire in the fire place, it looked as though (if it was possible) it was struggling to stay awake, as though it was waiting for Millicent and Pansy to go to bed; like a stubborn child that refused to sleep until everyone else was, in fear of missing the exciting events that would follow after, they did.

Millicent watched her for a while until it became to hard to fight the heavy feeling in her eyelids, "Goodnight." she mumbled to Pansy as she made her way out of the room.

It seemed like hours until Pansy went up to her room, it probably was but she didn't care because she knew it would take longer until she was able to sleep.

After deciding to take a shower, Pansy quickly looked through her trunk, her roommates were safely away in the land of dreams.

"Blaise…" Daphne mumbled, Pansy rolled her eyes, but still smiled genuinely at her sleeping friend, _**figures **_she thought.

But still snuck out of the room quietly so that Daphne could continue to enjoy her dream.

Pansy walked slowly into the shower room, she took the shower stall at the end.

Her cold pale fingers, grasped the hot water tap, she removed her clothes and took in her shower bag.

The water felt like a candle flame on her skin, but she didn't make a sound, her silent tears fell down her face, this was the only time she cried, the only place she cried, because, she knew that if she showed weakness to her peers, they were like vultures they would swoop down on her and feed on herself esteem as soon as they got a sniff of her weakness.

She soon got use to the burning water that flowed down her back and onto the rest of her body, she gingerly reached out, towards her bag.

And pulled out a razor, she watched it with wonder, her fingers lightly stroking the edges, she had never done it before, she had never hurt herself.

She carefully brought the blaze to her body, not knowing were to use it, she decided her wrist was the safest place, for now at least, she could always come up with an excuse.

She made a quick cut, down the side of her wrist, she felt the stinging sensation from the feeling of her flesh coming in contact with the water and the air.

"Ahhh!" she half whispered, half screeched.

Her blood mixed with her tears, and the shower water; it wasn't always like this though, there was a time when she felt alive, when she felt… happy.

_Sometime in either her first or second year, the term had only just restarted, after a boring half-term, Pansy was on the grass by the lake, just sitting watching the occasional ripple in the water, when some of the falling leaves were blown into it, the sky was cloudy, with large gaps in it, that showed the sunny blue hidden beneath, the sun was only just showing but still gave Pansy a warm rush._

_He sat next to her, watching the moment through his silver eyes, he smirked, his signature smirk his had grasped her's, they stayed like that for what seemed like a happy eternity._

_She felt happy, like she was someone else, having their happy moment, as though there was nothing bad in the world, no Harry Potter, no Dark lord, no Fathers._

_It felt nice, even though it didn't last forever, even though now it was a memory it felt nice._

In a race, when a player can no longer perform to their full ability, they have a substitute, someone to step in for them, to take over, someone else who will handle the responsibility.

In life, there's no such person. 


	4. No air

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the characters of this story.

Pansy was silent at the table, memories from last night still plaguing her mind, she could still feel the candle like water running down her back, which was now slightly red as though it was blushing.

Her wrist stung slightly from where the blade had touched, she self-consciously pulled the robe of her sleeve lower to cover the forming scar better.

She felt his gaze on her, but she was afraid to look at him, because she knew if he asked one question, one small question, she would answer it full heartedly.

She rose from the table, leaving her food once again barely touched, she gave a small nod to the table as she left, she had a free period today but wasn't sure how to spend it.

She stepped into the warm bath water, that stung her aching back, she eased her still clothed body into the tub, taking in one last breath, as she dunked her head under the water.

Her eyes tightly shut, she could feel her need for air, growing stronger, she struggled to fight it, swallowing down the breath that was pushing itself up her throat.

Her hearing seemed to be getting more distant, she head sinking farther down into the waters depth, it became easier to survive without air, but it left her throat feeling dry and thirsty, she became less and less aware of her surroundings, falling into the pool of nothingness.

She could only just feel her wet clothes, clinging onto her skin.

Her heartbeat becoming weaker and slower, lighter, she was close.

But then she felt them, the water rippled around her, as strong hands reached in and clasped themselves around her body, pulling her head up above the surface, where she was met with arms, pulling her close to them.

But she was still slipping into nothingness.

Draco set her barely conscious body onto the cold stone floor, leaning his head close to her's trying to catch her pulse or a breath, something.

He lifted up her shirt, and brought his hands on her back, he felt the skin slightly rougher there peered own at it, seeing her slightly red burn, but he didn't have time for that, he had to get her breathing again.

But it was difficult, he pulled the back of her shirt down again and brought his hands to her chest, pumping like they did in the doctors films, bringing his lips down to her's to try mouth to mouth.

The longer she was under the harder he would try, "C'mon, Pansy." He started mumbling to her, while her worked.

It was around five minutes until she coughed back into consciousness, Draco fell down beside her, her blue lips gasping for air, he sighed out in relief, as he watched her breathing speed up.

He sat up beside her, brushing her wet hair behind her ears, as she looked up at him with a panicked expression.

He looked into her chocolate brown eyes, searching them to see how, she could do something like that.

"If you ever, try something like that again, I won't forgive you. I won't forgive you for leaving, I won't think about you, I won't miss you, I won't forgive you." He said looking deep into her eyes, his silver ones full of concern regardless of what her just said.

Pansy knew, it was his way of saying he cared, she knew that he would miss her, he would think of her, but he wouldn't forgive her.

She shivered in her, wet clothes as her, soaked hair dripped down her back, Draco pulled out his wand, and cast a drying spell on Pansy's wet form.

Even though she was dry now, her skin was still ghostly pale, her lips still blue but the colour was returning to her body.

He watched her carefully only now had he noticed the scar on her wrist, she quickly covered it with her sleeve but it was too late he saw.

He moved closer to her, picking up her wrist and pulling the dry sleeve back, his fingers lightly trailing the mark.

"Pansy…" He started.

"It's a scratch, it's nothing." She said snatching her wrist back.

His head snapped up, he looked at her accusingly, "And the burn on your back? What's that? And here, what happened here Pansy?" He spat.

She froze, trying to come up with an excuse, trying to think of a reason, "You looked at my back?" she asked pointlessly trying to turn the tables on Draco.

"That's not what we're talking about, but yes I did look at you're back while I was saving your life." He sighed in frustration.

"It was a burn, the water in the shower yesterday was too hot, you know how it is." She said shrugging, but still not meeting his eyes.

"And today, here?" He pressed on.

"I was… having an experiment, trying to see how long I can hold my breath, but I guess I held it for too long, sorry." She said, trying to get up, but Draco grabbed her "scratched" wrist before she could make a move.

"Parkinson. The truth." He said looking at her wrist.

Sometimes life needs us to pay attention, sometimes, turning a blind eye is not an option, sometimes, we have to notice.


	5. One shot

One shot. That's all Pansy ever believed in, that's all there ever is. There are no second chances, no redo's, because no matter how hard people try, it's hard to forget. It's hard to forget the bad times that brought you up to that moment. The moment where every thing changes. The moment when life becomes real.

When the fairytale seems to change. It's one chance.

It was hard thinking about what to say to him, what would make her seem less weak in his eyes. But she realised there was no point she was weak, she was useless, but the idea of those words falling from Draco's lips, the idea that he felt she was all those things, that hurt.

She sniffled staring hard at the plain door, not meeting his gaze, "Do you know what its like Draco? Do you know what it's like to hear your own father call you worthless, to hear and know that he hates you? To know that he doesn't love you or ever will? If your own father, the man that was supposed to love you completely and unconditionally thinks so little of you? I do. But if he doesn't love me, how can anyone else? Why would anyone else? Why would they waste their time on a ugly pug faced… loser like me? When they could do so much better? When they could achieve so much better?" her voice was breaking, her throat dry, but this time not from lack of oxygen, but she continued ignoring the tears that were dampening her eyes and blurring her vision, "I try, I try to be good enough, I try to be special enough, for a while I convinced myself I was. But I'm not, I'm not one of those amazing people…" her voice trailed of as she lost the battle between herself and showing farther humiliation.

The storm of sobs broke though, she pulled her shaky knee up to her chest, holding herself because nobody else would.

Draco sat still, watching Pansy, the girl who seemed so strong to public eyes, the girl who never seemed to doubt herself and had an ego almost as good enough to match his, break down.

He realised the girl he had know for the past few years of his life, was not the same girl in front of him, the girl he had known was nothing more than a mask of protection; Harry Potters invisibility cloak came into his mind, that was how Pansy was… in a way, it was like her cloak slipped off, she was revealed.

He was unsure how to approach this Pansy, the power he had a few moments ago slipped away, he wasn't ready for the truth, he wasn't prepared for it.

So like most Slytherin or any wizard would, he got up he walked away, it had nothing to do with being strong, with helping her, it was out of fear.

Pansy heard him get up, she heard him leaving the room, _**It's probably for his own good. **_she thought.

It took her a while to calm herself, to at least stop crying.

She stood up slowly, her body still aching from its bruises, her wiped her eyes with her sleeve, not really caring how she looked entirely, but she still had a show face, she still had to claw back some of the dignity that she had robbed herself of.

She still had to try, or in other words she had to lie, to pretend, she had be strong, she had to hold a poker face.

Straightening out her clothes and hair, she readied herself to walk out of the door, she prepared herself for anything that would inevitably be thrown at her.

Taking a deep shaky breath, she walked out the door, her dark hair flowing behind her, as she walked with the grace of the counterfeit Slytherin Princess she was and will forever be.

But it seemed forever was ending closer than she thought.

"Here goes." She mumbled earning strange looks from the snotty portraits she passed on her way out of the dungeons.

The halls and staircases were still partially deserted, she could hear her surprisingly steady footsteps as she walked pass the group of Ravenclaws, who were whispering furiously as she past them.

But not before giving each and everyone of them a speech ending death glare, they stood weakly under her powerful gaze, she was relived it had work, afraid she was losing her touch which would undoubtedly go noticed by the Ravenclaws.

She turned on her hell, her head held high, even though it didn't feel right or natural, as though by trusting Draco, by telling him, she gave in, she gave him apart of her heart, and he had the power to throw it all in her face if he wanted to.

He had the power to change her life.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters in this story.

Please Review!


	6. Great pretender

She walked silently down the empty halls, heading towards the one class she now hated with every fibre of her possible being.

Potions. Yes the class was Pansy's best and favourite class, taught by none other then Professor Snape, the long haired, sharp faced, cold Slytherin himself, the man who treated them as though they were people, with feelings.

And yet because of her emotions, here she was sitting in the chair of one Harry Potter waiting for the rest of the class to file in, and discover the abomination that Harry's chair was under.

She sat quietly, looking blankly at the unwritten words that seemed to dance out to her from the board, if she stranded her ear's or focused her eyes hard enough, she could almost hear the words being said to her.

She wore no smile, no frown or smirk, no tears where pouring down her disgraceful face, she just sat there with no recognisable expression on her usually stony face.

She could hear the footsteps getting closer to the room, she could tell it was more than one pair of footsteps.

She was correct when she saw a dumb struck, Harry, Granger and Weasley standing in front of her new desk.

"Parkinson, are you that stupid that you don't even know that's Harry's seat?" Asked a smug, sidekick, she was already to bored of the conversation to care which one it was.

She remained silent, acting as though she hadn't even acknowledged their happy existence, maybe she was stupid, maybe she was a lot of things but naïve most certainly wasn't one of them.

"Oi, didn't you hear her, that's Harry's seat." Said another Gryffindor, but she remained silent, she didn't need to look up to know she was surrounded by the so called mighty hero's, but she didn't look up.

"Parkinson, get out of my seat or I'll…" She snapped, her jaw clenched as she set her fiery eyes onto _**the boy who wouldn't shut up! **_

"Will you shut up Potter!" She exclaimed, the Gryffindors froze, each preparing their best snide remarks, "The whole world doesn't revolve around you, not everyone wants to hear what it is you have to say, not everyone cares what you have to say. Ok so while don't you put your ego to rest and DO ONE!" Pansy exclaimed, her temper reaching breaking point, as she stood from her chair, hand balled into a fist, starring directly into the eyes of the chosen one.

"That's rich, coming from a…"but Granger didn't get a chance to finish her quarrel as Pansy's fist had already hit her square in the face, as she released a small portion of her pent up anger.

Sending the know-it-all Mudblood, to the floor, as she reached for her, aching cheek.

Pansy didn't know whether or not she had broken her jaw, even though part of her wished she had, it wouldn't exactly be such a great lose to humanity if she had.

"Miss Parkinson." A voice that Pansy had drowned out too many times in the past boomed out to her, she turned her head so quickly she should have gotten whiplash, but instead she got a shocked glare from Albus Dumbledore, she could have sworn she saw something that looked like amusement in the old man's eyes.

She wouldn't have been that surprised, at the moment her hatred, for the old wizard was escalating to Dangerous heights.

She shoot him a death glare, _**of course he chooses now to step in. **_She thought as she, looked back at a worried Potter, who was kneeling over a injured Granger, with an equally worried Weasley at his side, as they tried to help the Second Most Important member of their trio to her feet.

She resisted the urge to scream in frustration, at the fact that, the little Mudblood got comfort from two boys, two boys who cared for her dearly.

She turned back to see the headmaster staring at her knowingly, he thought he knew her, everyone _**thought **_they knew her, when only one person really did.

She didn't stick around to hear the words of pure _**genius **_that were obviously going to flow out of his spectacular mind, no instead she stomped towards the door, not even casting a backward glance at her audience.

She wasn't entirely sure what she was planning on doing, but she needed air, and Hogwarts most certainly wasn't the place to get it.

She soon found herself in her dorm, pulling out a small trunk, and packing it with clothes, leaving her most prised possessions, as she did so.

It didn't take her long to unceremoniously dump the small pile of clothes that she had randomly pulled out of her neatly made wardrobe into the small trunk, not caring about essentials, only caring about leaving.

She knew he was there, she knew he was watching her, but chose to ignore him, hoping that maybe if she was lucky enough he would take the hint, that she didn't want to talk to him, nor would she ever.

"Miss Parkinson, it is my understanding that you have been behaving quite out of the ordinary lately, but never the less that is no excuse for the way you assaulted Miss Granger, I'm sorry…"

"Oh save it Dumbledore, we both know that whatever bad news you have to say to me, you most certainly are not sorry for; so don't worry you won't have to pretend any longer." She said as she zipped up her trunk, not once in her well mannered life had she ever, said anything like that, to an adult, no matter how pompous, egotistical, judging, hypocritical… she would have gone on longer had she not remembered the task at hand.

She tugged down the trunk from her bed, as she proceeded towards, the common room, the head master fast on her tail.

"Miss Parkinson…" she hated this place and all the unpleasant memories it would bring with it, she hated the teachers, she hated the students, she hated the sorting hat, she hated Dumbledore, she hated the paintings, she hated her Parents, she hated Draco, she hated breathing the air in this place every minute she stayed there.

She turned quickly towards her headmaster, and hexed him, leaving him on the cold and unwelcoming floor that he had undoubtedly picked out specifically for Slytherin.

She tugged the trunk faster as she left the dungeons, at hast, not bothering to watch her headmaster, or leave a note, or think about the things that she had left.

Because she wouldn't miss those things.

Her cloak flapping about as she left the warmth of the Hogwarts corridors, she looked back at the place she had once called a school, the place she once considered a second home, but now thought of as a holding place that her father had dumped her into the second she was old enough.

She walked away, her head held high, with the same grace of the counterfeit princess, she once was.

Because now she was free, she was on the run, leaving someone else to fight her battles, leaving it all to someone else, leaving it all at Hogwarts.

The path towards the gates of Hogwarts was a quiet one, as though even the faceless air was scolding her, but she didn't look back, she didn't feel anything for the place, even as the rain began to drizzle, she still walked on.

As a young man once said to her, she wouldn't miss it, she wouldn't think of him, she wouldn't forgive them.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the characters in this story.

A/N) thank you those who have reviewed so far. I loved writing chapter 4, more then I hoped you loved reading it.

Please Review!


	7. Runaway

**AN: Ok so you've probably noticed that some of the chapters are missing, that's because I've deleted them because to be honest I didn't think they made any sense at all, and after looking them over while trying to update I realised I had no clue where I was taking the story from that point, so instead of deleting the whole thing and re-writting it all, I figured I would just re-write it from the point where it got all too crazy :) I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Harry Potter**

She left, or maybe he left her, maybe he dissevered it, maybe it was for the best, maybe she shouldn't have told him, maybe she should have left earlier, maybe she had made the biggest mistake of her young life.

There were a lot of maybes, but there weren't any certainties, or at least she hadn't found one, maybe she wouldn't get one, because she wasn't that kind of person.

People like Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter had certainties, people like Pansy Parkinson… well they didn't.

I guess that's why she came here, to the most unfamiliar place she could think of, which was quite common to the commoners but not her, not once had she ever stepped foot into a place like this, that was until now.

Right now she was sitting at the small table at the side of the room, with a plain window view to her right, in the leaky cauldron, watching her spoon make ripples in her cup of tea.

Four sugars, milk, and boiling hot water, just the way she liked it, but now she couldn't careless about how her tea was made, she hadn't cared in a long time; now all she cared about was the awful, unforgettable things she had done today.

She didn't hear the person pull up a chair next to her, at least she didn't think she did, but she felt them, she felt their stare but refused to look up them, not wanting to make any more mistakes, if it were possible.

The tea was cooling down, it wouldn't taste as great as she wished it would, it wouldn't be perfect, it wouldn't be sweet, warm and cosy, now it would be too sugary, too bitter, too cold.

They cleared their throat, in a unsubtle way demanding her attention.

She looked up, seeing the shiny green eyes that stared down at her.

At first she thought it was Harry Potter, the hero, the saviour, the chosen one etc, but it wasn't it was the waitress, she looked across at Pansy with curious eyes, no doubt wondering why the young school girl, was in the… quaint little building.

"Take a photo, it will last you oh so much longer, considering the fact that by the looks of it, you don't have very much longer left." Pansy commented half-heartedly, not even bothering to add venom into her words, because she just didn't feel like it, it felt as though by even insulting the woman, she was giving up what was left of her pride and strength.

The woman frowned, she looked around 56 years old, maybe older, maybe younger, she had light brown hair, and was wearing a dirty aproned cloak, but that honestly wasn't even an important factor to the fact that she wasn't leaving or looking down at her with disgust, her light lime green eyes just watched the girl in front of her, as though she had seen Pansy before, as though it wasn't an unusual occurrence, as though she knew her inner workings.

"Aren't you meant to be in school?" She asked, kindly, looking the Slytherin over.

"Not really." Pansy answered, she doubted even if she came back now, that she would have a school to go back too, after what she did, it wouldn't make sense for the old man to even let her past the gates, let alone into the school.

The woman smiled kindly, handing Pansy a roll of sugar to add to her tea.

She stared down at it, not really sure if she should take it or not, the image of Snow white and the Poison Apple fell into her mind, but she shook it off, because in all reality what kind of person poisons sugar.

She looked at the woman once more before adding the sugar into her tea, watching carefully as it mixed in with the rest of the ingredients.

As though it would turn green or a bubble or a black cloud would form, but nothing happened, the tea stayed the same.

It was still ordinary, the woman stayed though, she didn't rise from her seat, or urge Pansy to drink, she just sat, steady and motionless, her eyes rarely blinking, her body incredibly still as she held her gaze on nothing particular.

It was one of those moments when Pansy felt left out, when she felt uncertain.

She lifted the tea to her lips, the flavourless drink eased her thirst, but didn't satisfy her, it was like living on tofu, the woman stayed expressionless, though her eyes paid careful attention to Pansy as gulped it down.

"Thanks." Pansy said quietly, as she rose from her seat, handing her empty cup over to the woman in front of her, she was still in her robes, which kept her warm enough, she was still uncertain of what to do now.

What to do now that the spur of the moment was over, should she grovel, should she keep going, should she carry on as the known wonderer.

The woman spared her a small smiled, as Pansy made her way towards the door, as she headed towards the outside world, she had a whole world of chances, but the world was pretty small nowadays.

She walked swiftly through the crowd of bustling strangers, trying her best to move past, unharmed, her storage locket hanging safely from her neck.

She was trying to find… to be honest she wasn't sure what she was trying to find, she wasn't sure where she was planning on going, it was all still a mystery.

She wondered, through the crowd, until she caught sight of something, it glistened brightly, but it seemed she was the only one who noticed.

Acting on pure instinct, she followed, it disappeared into the sea of Wizards, but she just pushed through harder, determination, shown on her face.

But they were like waves, or currents, she seemed to be pushing her back, drowning her deeper making her loose sight of her goal.

But she still tried, completely unaware of her current surroundings she continued on towards, the glistening… thing?

Only a few staggering wizards and witches were left with her, each had the same unknowing, lost expression on there faces.

She had lost sight completely of the shinning green object as she wondered off in no particular direction, she could her the sound of talking getting louder, the farther she walk, but the voices were still muffled.

The trees she walked by blew furiously in the wind, there long branches like brooms sweeping down to her, like her nannies trying to pick up the stubborn child she was and take her off to bed, to shield her from the night of the adults, or to save the adults from her.

She could hear hard footsteps coming from behind, the leaves slapping her in the face as she picked up her pace, the feeling of eyes on her back washed over her like a cat in fresh bath water, the feeling was unwanted, and no matter how hard she pushed her legs to go, without actually breaking into the run her body was so desperately screaming at her to do, like the cat the owners of the eyes still grabbed her, pulling her back under the unwanted water.

The footsteps were thundering behind her, getting so close she could almost hear her pursuers' panting breath reaching her.

Her mind and instincts yelling at her to move quick, the adrenaline rush welling up inside her, like the build up of the muggle rollercoaster ride, she had snuck onto in her first year at… Hog… Hogwarts, she could feel herself getting closer to the drop, even though she couldn't feel it the sound of her heavy heartbeat told her it was close, her breath reduced into mere, slices of air.

As she picked up her feet and began sprinting, her breath already making her choke as the air filled her lungs, it tasted like dirt or water as she moved quickly, through the area.

The pursuer hot on her tail, she could feel their hands reaching out towards her, as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as she felt their cold breath.

A stitch forming, in her abdomen she clucked onto her sides, as she ran gentle soothing them, not willing to risk stopping for that spilt second.

But she was slowing down, her legs aching as she tried to push past faster, then her body seemed willing to take, she was never a runner, but now she wished she was, now more then ever.

She could feel them hot on her tale and just barely felt there breath on the back of her neck as they moved closer, her steps stuttered slightly and she fell to the floor.

They wrapped there hand roughly around her wrist and pulled her back to face them, "Miss Parkinson," _'Fuck!' _"I hope you realise just how much trouble your in?"

She could only nod, before looking at the short stumpy man before her, most likely some sort of school caretaker coming over to help Hagrid make an even bigger mess of the school.

"Good, then I'm sure you won't mind returning back to school with me right now to receive your punishment." It wasn't a question it was a statement, the man's nose was slightly crooked as though he had recently been punched in the face and someone had broken it, she wanted to break it again, to reach over an punch it until it became too shattered to stay attached to his hideous face.

He grabbed her arm and forced her through the small tube that apparated them back into the very grounds she had spent most of her time attempting to escape from, she looked down at the floor feeling all hope of freedom that she had previously carried close to her hear drop a thousand feet into the pits of her stomach, it made her ill.

She could feel the eyes of the students as they watched her, gazing up and down at her now muddy robes and dirty face, she could hear the soft snickers that followed, she knew where she was heading and it wasn't fair… not really anyway because if the old man had any sense of decency he would have just let her run off and that would be the end of it.

"Miss Parkinson, so good for you to join us again."

'_Fuck'_

I love you is an eight letters... so is Bullshit

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